Eulogy for my Father, Frederick W. Pearson

Many people have asked me what my dad was like.

I have two answers to this – how he was and how he is.

First I will tell you how he was.

Dad was without anger but able to get angry when necessary. I never felt his discipline through spanking but through reason and expressed disappointment at my actions. Trust me – a spanking would have been better.

Dad was a hard worker, sometimes working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet while we were growing up.

He let us know what he did and why so we would see the value in a job done well and not resent his absence from us.

Dad was a God fearing man, who I never saw sin by conventional standards, never heard him swear, or do anything purposely to hurt another person.

Dad was generous with the time he had left over. He was a loving father and stepfather, a good husband, a trusting friend and valued employee.

 That’s how he was… now I’m going to tell you how he is.

Dad is disciplined and educated – he was a military man who did his job with finesse and showed talents from riding in the mounted cavalry to being the mess cook for his reserve unit. Never one to be second best, he was also not someone to pull rank on others.  You can see military precision with human touch personified in my sister Mary Beth.

 Dad is gentle and compassionate – dedicated to his church, his God and his faith. He goes to church on Sunday, observes the sacraments and is a fixture in his pew, at his time, with his family. You can see his example and values at work in my sister, Elizabeth.  

Dad is easily humored. He loves the company of men and women, preferring women I think. He is a faithful and loving husband. He is as comfortable in the audience as he is as the star – the focus of attention from others. If you want to see what I mean, look at my brother, Kevin.

Dad is energetic, happy with his nice home and well groomed yard. (even if it is us children who groom it.) He loves his children so hard that he hurts when they hurt. He encourages them to be more than just someone’s kids. He is strong in will to the point of being stubborn. He doesn’t tolerate stupidity or laziness, and is the person you know will follow through 100%...even if you are only requesting 50%. His zest for life and family is magnified when you look at my sister Elaine.

Dad is a writer and reader – a philosopher and psychologist. Dad is there with an open ear and open heart for his family and friends as well. Dad delights in a good meal. Dad enjoys a gathering with his whole brood as well as a private gathering at one of our homes. He is a lover of music…a follower of his favorite comedy shows from the past... an appreciator of drama, comedy; plays and movies.

I would like to say you can see this by looking at me, but you can see all this by observing and talking to any of us. Dad is not proud or vain but we are, and with very good reason.

We’re Freddie’s kids.

can I get angry?

My daily devotion, Get Up With God, asked for questions - the author of the page promised to try to address every problem. This is what I sent him...I will print the answer if I get one.

 

Can I get angry? I don't mean over spilt milk or stubbing my toe. When someone does something that hurts or harms me, sometimes prayer isn't enough.

It's beneficial to me to know that I handle a particular situation with poise and silence when my heart is crying and all I want to do is raise my hand to strike. At the same time, my brain is trying to figure a way to make the perpetrator suffer, or at least, be made aware of their cruelty and become sorrowful as a result.

Can I get angry? Can I be hurt? Is it ok to avoid someone who obviously needs to reach away from me and to Jesus?

Can I cry out to God to be my revenge? Can I ask God to administer human justice?

I feel that praying for someone's ultimate demise transfers the sin to me, but sometimes people make it so hard to be a Christian.

Can I get angry?

I hereby declare today, Thursday, May 16, 2013, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS DAY!!!

I was thinking this morning about how my job was going nowhere.

I thought about all the things in life I can’t afford to have.

 I thought about all the pretty clothes and shoes I can’t buy.

I thought about the rich food I don’t eat and the drinks I no longer drink.

I thought about my aches and pains and gray hair.

I thought about not having time to finish my daily devotion this morning and how I would have to finish it at work.

BUT THEN…

I thought how at least I have a job that I love.

I thought of all the things I have, my house, my car, my “stuff”.

I thought about the abundance of clothes I do have, for every season and every occasion.

I thought of the new healthy life style I have and that my pantry fully stocked.  

I thought of the flowing clean water I have at the turn of a handle.

I took a breath and thought of those who can’t do that simple thing.

I thought of the martyrs worldwide who are persecuted for praying in the apparent non-privacy of their homes and lives.

I have so many blessings and I still worry about things that I don’t have. I always said that when I was a child, I didn’t have everything, but I remember wanting for nothing. That is still true today.

So I count my blessings because there is nothing on the list of things I don’t have that will prevent me from praising God.

There is nothing on my list of things I have that was not provided by the grace and love of God.

So, count your blessings today, and every day. GOD IS GOOD!!

 

totally screwed up?

I was thinking of how to have more isn't always the best and how you should simplify your life and get back to basics to honor God. I thought how possessions are not the only thing that will ensure a life of peace and success. I thought of how Jesus spoke to give it all up to follow Him.

I thought how I should write this down so that the world knows that I know about them all.  I question how people can have so much stuff and feel that is what gives them happiness and acceptance. I almost feel sorry for all those with tons of stuff and money who don't have the peace of God in with it.

I am so proud of myself for not looking down on them for their affluence. In fact, I actually thought of all this while at my job, looking up stuff on my Kindle Fire, remembering that I should sync it to my home laptop...and I can do that tonight while watching my big tv, in a comfortable living room, eating a dinner that I just decided to go out and buy because the hundreds of dollars of food in my house are not what I want tonight...

Ever have a moment when you are looking through a window at the sorry souls with everything on earth and nothing in heaven...searching for God as they try to decide between possessions and faith, and you suddenly see you are looking in a mirror?

love and sex

Love is not sex; not dependent on it, not a result of it, not a reason for it.
Sex is not love; not defined by it, not necessary for it, not required to achieve it.

So when did we start letting "having sex" and "making love" become equal terms?

Yes! We let this happen. We allowed it. We even encouraged it.

We are now raised in the knowledge that an increasing number of teens and even preteens are engaging in sex. We are appalled and disgusted, but have grown to accept this as a fact. Our own children and children that we know are surprising us if they are abstaining from sex, remaining virgins.

We have turned a blind eye to how an act that used to be emotional and dependent on marriage is somehow a response to peer pressure, a pathway to love or just a pastime or hobby.

I recently got a puppy and because of his breed was required by law to take him to a behavior class. We gave gone through sit and lay; through down and follow me. However, the most valuable lesson so far is "wait!"

Leaving the house, say "wait" so the dog has to let you out first. Say "wait" so the dog doesn't try to grab the food dish out of your hand before you can put it down and back away. Say "wait" when you are moving through rooms or answering the door. And then he gets an enthusiastic "good boy" and a tasty puppy treat.
How much time and effort we take to teach our dog how to wait and then gain a reward. Why can't we teach our children the same?

Next time you know of a young person facing the confusion of sex and love...facing a choice of acceptance or being ostracized, tell them "wait."

The reward will come.

Hell? not for me!

I don’t want to go to hell.

Really. I am positive that the very nature of hell would be more horrible than the worst day I could possibly imagine here. And I have quite a vivid imagination.

I fear that my nature to be selfish, tyrannical and demanding would overshadow my kindness, generosity and patience. I fear that my anger and despair would trump my moments of goodness and confidence.

But then I remember when Jesus spoke to Thomas… “Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him’” Jn 14:6-7

He didn’t mince words or say too much. Jesus didn’t list what we call sins and tell us to do otherwise. He simply said to follow Him – His example, His teaching, His path. Jesus is willing to accept my faults, because He knows that if I truly know Him, the faults will diminish and be replaced with Christlike qualities. It isn’t so much changing who I am, but who I follow. I don’t have to list the moments of sin and negative emotions to correct them. I just need to choose to go on the path to Jesus instead.

Since heaven is actually living in the presence of God, knowing Jesus and believing Him to be the path to the Father makes Jesus the path to heaven.  It is so simple when you just open the word and listen to the message.

I won’t go to hell because I am a sinner but because I choose against faith. Life is choices. Eternal life is a guarantee…if we make the right choices.

I don’t want to go to hell…and I don’t have to.

If...what if...if only...

When we were young we had those moments. What if I became a teacher … what if I became an astronaut… what if I could fly. Our lives revolved around the what ifs. We had years and years of hopes and dreams ahead of us. There was no regret and no remorse just an anticipation of the wonders of being older.

We started growing and it became just IF – if I study hard I will get an A. If I get a new dress, maybe he will notice me. If I don’t make waves and pretend I like them, the popular kids will like me too. We were old enough to see how our actions would result in another action. We knew that there were criteria we needed to achieve to get what we wanted. No more hopes and dreams but plans and results.

Now I am old enough to be in the “if only” part of my life. If only I had gone to college I could be a teacher or a writer or an engineer. If only I had saved my money I could have so much more. If only I had not married so young…or bought that car…or drank that beer. So many actions and moments that could have changed my whole life…if only I hadn’t taken the path I did.

 In Field of Dreams, Ray Kinsella is talking to Doc Graham. As a young man, Doc was an aspiring ballplayer . When he realized his dream would never happen, Doc finished his medical degree and became a small town doctor, touching the lives of many.bRay remembers how Doc was just one batsman away from achieving his goal to be a ballplayer, and what a tragedy it was to be within grasp of that dream and in 5 minutes, have that dream denied. Doc tells Ray… if I’d only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes, now that would have been a tragedy.

One is looking at the “what if” as a dream unfulfilled – one looking at the “if” as a choice that produced incredible results.

In the Bible, we see mankind throwing what if, if and if only’s at God. Evil first produced IF in the garden, telling Eve that if she ate from the tree of life, she would be equal to God. Moses wondered how he could talk to the Pharoah… what if he didn’t have the words? While chained to the pillars, I’m sure Samson thought “if only” I wouldn’t have told them about my hair.

Even Jesus used IF, but not in a regretful, questioning or unrealistic way.  He used His IF to show that the authority started with God and the choices to use that authority were strictly from Him.  In Matthew, 22:42, Jesus said “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done.” He gave the power to God, not assuming that His worldly desires would take precedent over God’s plan. Jesus as a man knew that only God could save Him, but Jesus didn’t demand it. He simply said He would work within God’s will.

When Jesus sent the Apostles out, He had already shown that He was God, and was invoking the Holy Spirit to bless and guide the twelve. He said in John 20:23, “If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” Jesus offered them a choice and this very choice set up the church as we know it. Jesus gave authority to the apostles. Using IF in this phrase gave responsibility to all Christians to review situations from a spiritual and not mortal point of view.

This is as good a year as any to turn my ifs, what ifs and if only’s  from remorse, regret or imagination to something positive, encouraging and even holy.

Think of your if’s. Here’s one of mine.

If I hadn’t joined the choir, I would have denied myself the chance to meet wonderful, interesting and remarkable people who I would not normally have encountered.  If I hadn’t stopped working on the music and started working on the praise, I would not worship with my whole heart and soul. If I hadn’t remembered that to forgive is divine, would I still be numbering my errors and inadequacies?

Want a what if?

What if…I hadn’t found Eastbrook? What if I had kept my worship to myself and never put myself out there in God’s name?  What if I hadn’t found that to encourage others in their faith would provide resources to find excellence in my own faith?

How about an “if only?”

If only I could meet every situation in grace and patience instead of my usual suspicion and hurriedness, my life would be easier and calmer. If only my worship would grow and grow each day, I would be so much closer to my family, my friends and my God. If only I would stop thinking of myself, I would better serve God … and since He thinks of me all the time, I really don’t need to dwell on myself. 

My goal is to take the ifs, what ifs and if onlys of my life and make them positives. If only I had thought of that sooner.