Cry…

 I should cry. I really want to cry. You may say I NEED to cry. But I won’t.

You see, my husband has gone many times to the hospital and then to rehab. He has been gone for days…weeks… months, and he is gone again. 

For how long? Only God knows. And I should cry. I should go to sleep feeling sad and lonely. But I don’t. 

I pray for Duke all the time. But my prayers go far past healing to return home. I pray that he not only heal from his last episode, but that he get strength that he has not had for years. I don’t just pray that he can walk and move around the house. I pray that he will be able to walk with only a cane, go to dinner and church again and maybe even someone’s house.

I know I should be just thanking God that once again Duke was injured but not so severely that they are writing him off as incurable, unable to get rehab. But I thank God and ask for the miracle I know only he can produce.

I know I should cry… but I am afraid that my tears will be from guilt for wanting so much when I deserve so little. 

And as I am writing this, I finally cry.