Cry…

 I should cry. I really want to cry. You may say I NEED to cry. But I won’t.

You see, my husband has gone many times to the hospital and then to rehab. He has been gone for days…weeks… months, and he is gone again. 

For how long? Only God knows. And I should cry. I should go to sleep feeling sad and lonely. But I don’t. 

I pray for Duke all the time. But my prayers go far past healing to return home. I pray that he not only heal from his last episode, but that he get strength that he has not had for years. I don’t just pray that he can walk and move around the house. I pray that he will be able to walk with only a cane, go to dinner and church again and maybe even someone’s house.

I know I should be just thanking God that once again Duke was injured but not so severely that they are writing him off as incurable, unable to get rehab. But I thank God and ask for the miracle I know only he can produce.

I know I should cry… but I am afraid that my tears will be from guilt for wanting so much when I deserve so little. 

And as I am writing this, I finally cry.

Because God is good we can be too.

 It’s now 10 days into January and 12 days since Duke has been home. He broke his ankle on 12/30/23 and has been in the hospital since. He will have surgery and then to rehab for a while.

Now the reason I am saying this is because many people have said, “Oh, I’s so sorry” or “You two have had to endure so much” or similar things that really mean…”glad it’s not me!” And I get it.

First: there is no way anyone should have all the problems Duke has. BUT I believe the reason is that he has an incredible support group of family and friends who love and enjoy him.

Second: Duke’s health history touches many different issues – strokes, back problems, seizures (to name a few) and every one he survives is a message to others that life doesn’t end when you have problems.

Third: every time Duke gets rehabbed and back home he is reminded that he is alive; that God loved him enough to send Jesus, His son, to endure pain for him; that even in the worst case scenario he will be lifted to eternal life by his faith and beliefs.

There is no way any of us can ease the pain and problems of others, but if we truly care and show empathy and kindness, we are doing the best we can.

It’s 2024?

 I can’t believe it has been three years since my last blog. Well what do you expect with my schedule?

I go to work… I come home… I watch tv… ok. I really don’t do much but maybe I can do a few pieces this year. 

I will be 70 this fall. I look in the mirror and usually see a regular adult woman. Occasionally I see a twenty year old, ready to settle into married life. I feel so young and eager to see how things develop for me.

And then there are those days where I am the oldest person in the world. My joints ache. My wrinkles are like deep furrows. I could plant wheat I have such deep wrinkles. My gray hair is growing out and I need to add color regularly. Or wear a hat.

But I can now address a common perception about aging.

I am getting taller. 

They say when you get older you shrink, but the older I get, the taller I get. Lately, when I drop something on the floor and bend to pick it up, it seems like floor is so much lower. The only reason I can think this is happening is that I must be growing. 

That’s my story and I am sticking to it.