bad days and a poem

I’ve had a few horrible days. So I wrote it all down. Oh, what a great document I had written. It was scathing. It revealed all my emotion, my anger, my anguish…all the feelings that people hurt, all the tears I cried and all the doubts I have.

I wrote my frustration in such a way that the world would say…poor, poor Margaret!

But then something occurred to me…God doesn’t care.

Well, I’ll bet that got your attention. Hear me out.

How often have we been in a situation where someone makes an error and looks to us in apology, thinking that nothing they can do is enough and we will forever hold their actions against them. But if it is someone you love, you know that your response is “I don’t care about what you did…I care what you are doing. I accept your apology. I still love you.” Now I fully believe that God understands all our human emotions, and in His great love for us, He doesn’t hold them against us. So I can honestly hear Him saying that He really doesn’t care.

God doesn’t care about my negative feelings – He loves me regardless. He does care about what I am going to do with these feelings.

 God knows that some of the hurt I felt may have been valid and the anger I was nourishing may have been a logical and understandable response to my situation.

Sometimes it is so hard to remember that God is the purpose for all our actions and the solution to all our hardships. It is easy to sit and dwell on destructive feelings, falling deeper and deeper into them. At these times for me, I know that the evil ones of the world are partying, knowing that they have made me see the horror and hence the majesty of life is hidden.

God has equipped us all with the ability to look past our situation and move on. He has instilled in us a heart that embraces the promise of eternity. No matter how depressed we get, or sad, or angry, there is always hope. God has denied us nothing that we need.

Sometimes we get in the mistaken frame of mind that we deserve more than we have…or want more than we need. But it isn’t about that. We get what we need to serve God.  I often wonder if I had more, would I use it in God’s service, or would I simply waste it? There are many people with more money than I who are able to give to the poor, the church and other charities. These people use their resources to the best of their abilities and in honor of God, since they know He alone is responsible for the talent, endurance and sometimes dumb luck that has enabled them to have more.  But God’s measuring stick is not the same for all of us – we each have an individual stick and have to dedicate the correct portion to God. No matter how much or little a person has, if they dedicate the most of it to furthering God’s kingdom, they will never run out.

Why aren’t we all doctors discovering cures for disease or singers making the world see God in their words and notes…or ballerinas, football players, or world leaders?

God has needs and wants too. But He doesn’t only need the affluent and mega-talented people. He needs people like most of us who are able to survive each day in His glory and move on. He needs those of us who do their best in service to Him and Him alone. He wants us to not only thrive as people, but as HIS PEOPLE.

So how did I deal with my negative feelings? I was hurt – I cried. Then I sucked it up and moved on. I remembered that God didn’t make me who I am for my own acclaim, but for His. And while He waited for me to remember that He didn’t care that I was nourishing my pain,  I was fighting back to defeat the pain with his grace and love.

How much more can we ask than to be in his good graces?

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God said – you  have to take the pain and turn it into praise

I answered that it hurt too bad, and didn’t smile for days.

God said –what you do is not for them. Its only for my glory.

I answered but they want so much, I’m sticking to that story.

God said – look outside your life – there is so much you can learn.

I said, I’m running out of time…when do I get a turn.

God said I control the time – the days, the weeks, the years.

And finally I could see it -  through my doubts and hates and fears…

I get it God – it’s all for you, and when I languish in my doubt,

My heart is closed, my mind is blocked – me in and you held out.

He smiled and said you’re on the way to seeing what you are,

you take my grace and love my dear…I’ll keep the pain and scars.