Years ago, in the midst of great illness, my father fell into a fever and told me of the two men who came and sat with him. Men in long white robes whom he assumed were angels. "They asked about you" he told me.
I laughed it off at the time, telling him that it was ok to have imaginary friends, but was bothered that they knew about me. In retrospect, it may have been a sign that things were going to change for me if I was open to it.
Last month, he was ill again, hallucinating about all sorts of things and when he came back he mentioned that he felt between two worlds - not quite in heaven but not at all on earth. During this period of a few hours he was horrible to Liz and I as we tried to console him and keep him from hurting himself.
Once he came back to us, he didn't remember what he had said to us, but repeated over and over that he wouldn't want to be God, because God is so lonely. Two distinct thoughts have developed.
I am unsure of what was tormenting him. I don't know why he felt the job of "god" was being offered. But with the abuse he was spitting out, it seems that something with totally evil intent was giving him an option to leave earth and be a deity. How typical for Satan to sneak into the brain of an elderly, sick man and and try to use him as a tool in his evil plan. How wondeful that my dad found the way back to earth and to us and was left with the wonder that being God would be lonely.
That leads to my second thought.
Is God lonely? If so, is it because I spend less time with Him than I should? Was it God who sent my father from delirium to sanity to let me know that I needed to get back on track? I am pelted with thoughts and questions and insecurities...but I know that if I pray, and pray, and pray, I may finally figure this out.
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