I guess it was just a matter of time before I lost my secure facade and became just another scared person in a threatening world. I woke up this morning with that feeling that it was all going to come tumbling down. I am so small in this world.
Yesterday I really didn't behave very well. I was angry at times and I was insecure. I was trying to move on with my own work, but at work, my coworkers kept telling me stories...most of which bored me to death. That is always a sign that I am a little off because usually I find the stories the guys tell me to be funny or interesting, even if I don't have any idea what they are saying.
But it was different yesterday. I didn't want to hear the stories that would only add confusion to my already confused day.
Why can't I just move on and ignore what is happening around me? Why are there days when I smile and nod and days when I strike out and put down. At least I was able to be professional enough to not yell at anyone. If only I could keep them from "getting to" me.
Today I need to pray - all day. I need to put my emotions, fears, and anger into a prayer box and turn it over to God. I need to let Him be the one to deal with negative emotions and help me throw them from my being. I need to be the person God intended me to be. Is it true that the more we try to move towards God, the closer the evil elements move to us to prevent this trip? I think my fear and trepidation is being fueled by my desire to be complete in God's plan. I think that the closer I get to God, the better my day will be.
EVIL! BE GONE! There is no room for you in my life. God is my focus and you have no place here. Go play somewhere else.
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