Cry…

 I should cry. I really want to cry. You may say I NEED to cry. But I won’t.

You see, my husband has gone many times to the hospital and then to rehab. He has been gone for days…weeks… months, and he is gone again. 

For how long? Only God knows. And I should cry. I should go to sleep feeling sad and lonely. But I don’t. 

I pray for Duke all the time. But my prayers go far past healing to return home. I pray that he not only heal from his last episode, but that he get strength that he has not had for years. I don’t just pray that he can walk and move around the house. I pray that he will be able to walk with only a cane, go to dinner and church again and maybe even someone’s house.

I know I should be just thanking God that once again Duke was injured but not so severely that they are writing him off as incurable, unable to get rehab. But I thank God and ask for the miracle I know only he can produce.

I know I should cry… but I am afraid that my tears will be from guilt for wanting so much when I deserve so little. 

And as I am writing this, I finally cry.

Because God is good we can be too.

 It’s now 10 days into January and 12 days since Duke has been home. He broke his ankle on 12/30/23 and has been in the hospital since. He will have surgery and then to rehab for a while.

Now the reason I am saying this is because many people have said, “Oh, I’s so sorry” or “You two have had to endure so much” or similar things that really mean…”glad it’s not me!” And I get it.

First: there is no way anyone should have all the problems Duke has. BUT I believe the reason is that he has an incredible support group of family and friends who love and enjoy him.

Second: Duke’s health history touches many different issues – strokes, back problems, seizures (to name a few) and every one he survives is a message to others that life doesn’t end when you have problems.

Third: every time Duke gets rehabbed and back home he is reminded that he is alive; that God loved him enough to send Jesus, His son, to endure pain for him; that even in the worst case scenario he will be lifted to eternal life by his faith and beliefs.

There is no way any of us can ease the pain and problems of others, but if we truly care and show empathy and kindness, we are doing the best we can.

It’s 2024?

 I can’t believe it has been three years since my last blog. Well what do you expect with my schedule?

I go to work… I come home… I watch tv… ok. I really don’t do much but maybe I can do a few pieces this year. 

I will be 70 this fall. I look in the mirror and usually see a regular adult woman. Occasionally I see a twenty year old, ready to settle into married life. I feel so young and eager to see how things develop for me.

And then there are those days where I am the oldest person in the world. My joints ache. My wrinkles are like deep furrows. I could plant wheat I have such deep wrinkles. My gray hair is growing out and I need to add color regularly. Or wear a hat.

But I can now address a common perception about aging.

I am getting taller. 

They say when you get older you shrink, but the older I get, the taller I get. Lately, when I drop something on the floor and bend to pick it up, it seems like floor is so much lower. The only reason I can think this is happening is that I must be growing. 

That’s my story and I am sticking to it. 

No more birthdays for me...

 

When I started my job in May of 2002, they told me that their calendar year started on the first of January and although I would be working there the equivalent of one year in May of 2003, my benefits were based on annual employment. I would get benefits based on my first fiscal year… hence, on Jan 1, 2004 I would qualify for vacation and other yearly benefits having achieved 1 full year as an employee in 2003. (just so you know, I did get benefits on 1/1/03 based on 7 months employment… not a bad deal for a new employee.)

January 1 is a new year even though it is not my new year.  

On October 3^rd I started my life and my first year. I didn’t have to wait till 1/1 to begin aging, or growing… I didn’t have to wait a year and 3 months to have a birthday. As a result, I find that is why I love birthdays and don’t care all that much for celebrating each new year        .

I appreciate every moment of my existence. God put me here to serve but He didn’t tell me I can have 3 months prep time. God didn’t give me any probationary period before I could get benefits. He put me here and started rewarding me immediately. He gave me loving parents, a great older sister (then more siblings after)… He gave me good health and a positive attitude… He gave me warmth and protection, friends and associates… He blessed me with so many gifts, including the opportunity for eternal life.

So why am I having a Happy Birthday and a Happy New Year when they are one and the same.

So no more birthdays for me… from now on, on October 3^rd, wish me “Happy New Year!”  I will restart my life with a complete year finished and a new one to begin.

thank you for tomorrow

Dear Lord above, who gifted me with each day, I thank You.

I thank You for the days of sun and light. 

I thank You for the days of clouds and rain.

I thank You for the days filled with success and smiles.

I thank You for the days filled with failure and tears.

When the new day begins, I thank you for yesterday and however it went.

When the day is done I thank You for all the good and bad of it.

I thank you that yesterday is gone and today is here.

But most of all, Dear Father, I want to thank You for tomorrow.

I want to thank You today for whatever greets me in the morning.

I want to thank You today for the hope of another day.

I want to thank You today for the chance to fix what I screwed up.

I want to thank You for the time to enjoy the blessings You bestow on me.

I want to thank You for the promises I will be able to keep.

I want to thank You for the opportunity to put today behind me.

And if there is no tomorrow for me on earth, 

I want to thank You that I can face Your judgement having known You and Your great mercy.

With life having occurred or happening right now, we take it for granted. 

But because of the mystery of the future, enhanced with Your unending love,         

I thank You for tomorrow. 

who is curing you?

Many many years ago, God watched His chosen people take all He had to offer and then turn their backs on Him, finding gods who were easier to serve with less give back on their parts.

And God got angry and turned His back on them, letting them lose in battle and suffer with disease and loss.

Then the people asked God to pretty please save them because they know He is really God and merciful… yadda yadda yadda. And God heard them and saved them; over and over again.

Now we are facing a health crisis around the world, and we are pleading with God to help us and keep us safe. And if He does see that we are trusting in Him and humbling ourselves before Him, we will see His hand at work and feel His mercy once again.

After a week or two, we will be congratulating doctors for their care, commending the business owners for fast action, talking about the chemists who suddenly created a cure and treatment, and patting ourselves on the back for weathering the storm.

As usual, we will forget about the God who gave the doctors their skills, gave the business owners success and common sense, and blessed the chemists with the gift of discovery and perseverance.

And He knows this will happen and He will do it anyway. I may not understand Him, but I sure am grateful that He is the way He is.

I love nature - just keep it out of my lane of traffic

In the morning, I encounter all kinds of wild animals on my way to work.

I don’t go through major rural areas, but I do have woods that border some of the nicer properties in Brookfield, WI and a large pond in Menomonee Falls. Add to that the nature preserve just south of Mill Road and you have a breeding ground for all sorts of wild critters.

I have a few words for my wild friends.

Deer – look both ways, please. If you see a car coming, DON’T CROSS. I know that “suicide by car” is the dream of every deer who is suffering from low self-esteem or depression, but not my car, please.

Geese – (and ducks) YOU CAN FLY!!! Why you have to walk across the road is inconceivable to me. To make it worse, you walk single file and sometimes not even straight across. There is nothing more tempting than seeing if you can squish a whole line of geese with one swerve of wheels.

Wood Cranes – you are big and mean and I am really tired of watching you watch me while I go past. I don’t trust you and am sure you can run up and attack my car if you want to. And you did just that once and are lucky I didn’t panic and have an accident. Stay in the marshes and long grass and leave the pavement alone.

Coyotes – please, go away. You look sort of cute like dogs from a distance, and I would never hit a dog, but then you look mangy and disjointed once I get closer and I wouldn’t feel guilty tapping you to make my point. If you are hungry and looking for food, there are plenty of geese, ducks and wood cranes walking the roads to give you a feast for a while.

Joggers – oh yes, you are on the list too with walkers.  When there is a lane for running, biking and walking, please don’t go in the traffic lanes. If you want to be in the car lane, get a car, drive to the gym and run on a treadmill. If there is no lane for your activity, please walk towards traffic so you know when drivers are coming. And I figured out that the group of 4-6 women that I pass regularly, purposely put the one woman that is doing all the talking closest to the cars because it is obvious that 1) they don’t like her and 2)if someone has to go, let it be Chatty Kathy! On the bright side Chatty Kathy, the people at your funeral will be in very good shape.

Bicyclers – you are the best and the worst. If you stay to the side, are adequately illuminated and obey the traffic laws, I challenge you to run over the animals of my previous rant. If you are one of those who has no protective equipment, no reflective gear and think you are a car to be anywhere in the lane you want, you are a scourge on society and I hope you hit gravel, fall over and skin your knees.

Don’t get me started on other drivers because we all have our quirks. The difference is that the other cars can complain about me too so I won’t even open that can of worms.

It’s so nice to get this out of my system. I feel better.