Old joke...
A group of seniors was asked what they wanted to hear from their friends and family at their funeral...
The first said, "I want to hear 'he was a good man"'
The second took it a step further and said, "It would be nice for them to say 'he was a loving husband and good father'"
The third thought it over and said, "I'd like someone to say 'look! He's breathing!'"
Being a Christian, I wonder if I will be at peace when I die. If I died today, would I hear accolades or would I hear relief? Would my friends even show up or think about it and decide for whatever reason that I would rather have them have a fun evening than go to a depressing wake?
Would they miss me or just find someone else to sit behind my desk at work, fill my seat at choir, and meet for coffee? Will the hole I leave be filled with love or distractions?
I think that with all we face daily, the trials, the temptations, the sadness and the confusion, all we can do is grab tightly to our faith and muddle through.
At my funeral I hope that they say "No matter what, she never lost her faith." The rest will fall in place if I remain faithful to the end.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
4 of 4
Elaine - the baby. I know that is not a title a person wants to be saddled with through their whole life, but Elaine was the last of us. She is 12 years younger than me and I doted on her from the beginning. Where MaryBeth had Liz to be a sister to, I had Elaine.When she was young and would wake in the night, she would come to my twin bed and I would scoot over and make room for her. Mom always wanted to know why I didn't take her back to her own bed and, honestly, that meant I would have had to get out of my warm, toasty bed and walk across the hall and it was so much better to just invite her in and snuggle. I loved her for her cuddly nature - her curly blond hair - her lisp caused in part by falling on her upper teeth and damaging them - and her competitive nature. Of those things, the lisp was the only thing she grew out of. Unlike me, she always wanted to be number one. She was (and still is) an accomplished athlete. With my mother's help, she petitioned her grade school to be allowed to play football with the boys at lunch break. In those days, girls played girl games - only boys were allowed to play football. And once she was allowed to, she did play, even though it was not her sport. She set her goals in high school to be one of the better students, one of the first sophomores to get a senior varsity letter in sports, one of the most popular and well loved. She played softball with a group of girls, a few of whom she played with for the next twenty plus years. An excellent soccer player, she now assists her daughters' soccer teams as a team mother, manager and referee. Elaine was a member of the ski patrol, and even tried to teach me how to ski; a valiant effort on her part but I failed miserably.
I worry about Elaine because her nature is so competitive that I fear she will die some day of disappointment. She is so incredibly good at what she does, that if God takes her abilities away, would she be able to function as a normal person? I have the same concern for Clark Kent, David Banner and Diana Trevor. No one should be forced to live in the regular world by hiding their super powers.
When Elaine decided to marry, she picked a man who had the same drive and spirit she did. This is quite a match as each not only wanted to be the best, but to support each other in their achievements. To make things even better, they became the parents of two exceptional girls - Rachael, the eldest, is a first place person - she pushes herself to be number one at school and in sports, mostly soccer and Kayleigh, who is a great athlete, but seems to just want to be good at it all, not having picked a special sport yet. Both girls play basketball, a game their mom never played, and soccer and softball, two sports Elaine loved and excelled at. Elaine first "gold" was in volleyball, but her girls aren't old enough to be part of an accomplished team yet.
Elaine can't be categorized. She has friends to pray with, friends to do sports with, friends to drink with. She is a good Catholic girl who supports her parish by teaching Sunday school and then goes to a Packer party...yes, she is an avid sports fan as well as a player. Elaine is the one most likely to drink the guys under the table and still be able to tell you the game highlights and lowlights. She is a good listener, an incessant talker and an accomplished musician. She hosts parties that no one wants to leave and is a gracious and funny guest at your home.
Elaine is so good at everything that it is hard to not resent her or be jealous - but, as I know from experience, she only puts the pressure to be number one on herself and supports others (me) half-baked efforts.
When we married, my brother and sisters became Dukes special family, but he bonded with Elaine the most. It was a lot to do with her loving nature and the fact that she treated him like a big brother. He was so much older that she just folded into his affection for her and was often more like my daughter than my sister.
Many times she packed up an infant and three year old and drove thirty miles to sit with me when my husband was hospitalized - plus sent over dinners and gave me monetary help to get by till things normalized. None of this was asked for or expected, but I needed the help and she recognized it. For the first time, I was the one who wandered to her bed, woke her up and she scooted over and let me in.
My baby sister - my friend, Elaine.
I worry about Elaine because her nature is so competitive that I fear she will die some day of disappointment. She is so incredibly good at what she does, that if God takes her abilities away, would she be able to function as a normal person? I have the same concern for Clark Kent, David Banner and Diana Trevor. No one should be forced to live in the regular world by hiding their super powers.
When Elaine decided to marry, she picked a man who had the same drive and spirit she did. This is quite a match as each not only wanted to be the best, but to support each other in their achievements. To make things even better, they became the parents of two exceptional girls - Rachael, the eldest, is a first place person - she pushes herself to be number one at school and in sports, mostly soccer and Kayleigh, who is a great athlete, but seems to just want to be good at it all, not having picked a special sport yet. Both girls play basketball, a game their mom never played, and soccer and softball, two sports Elaine loved and excelled at. Elaine first "gold" was in volleyball, but her girls aren't old enough to be part of an accomplished team yet.
Elaine can't be categorized. She has friends to pray with, friends to do sports with, friends to drink with. She is a good Catholic girl who supports her parish by teaching Sunday school and then goes to a Packer party...yes, she is an avid sports fan as well as a player. Elaine is the one most likely to drink the guys under the table and still be able to tell you the game highlights and lowlights. She is a good listener, an incessant talker and an accomplished musician. She hosts parties that no one wants to leave and is a gracious and funny guest at your home.
Elaine is so good at everything that it is hard to not resent her or be jealous - but, as I know from experience, she only puts the pressure to be number one on herself and supports others (me) half-baked efforts.
When we married, my brother and sisters became Dukes special family, but he bonded with Elaine the most. It was a lot to do with her loving nature and the fact that she treated him like a big brother. He was so much older that she just folded into his affection for her and was often more like my daughter than my sister.
Many times she packed up an infant and three year old and drove thirty miles to sit with me when my husband was hospitalized - plus sent over dinners and gave me monetary help to get by till things normalized. None of this was asked for or expected, but I needed the help and she recognized it. For the first time, I was the one who wandered to her bed, woke her up and she scooted over and let me in.
My baby sister - my friend, Elaine.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
3 of 4
Kevin - yes, of the five of us, there is a boy. I was overjoyed as I had one older and one younger sister when he was born and really wanted a brother. He was a big baby, something my parents never got over, and they told many stories about it. I am sure that since he works very hard to stay healthy now, he really appreciates hearing Dad tell those old stories about his 10+ pound baby boy.
Kevin was loved, protected and bullied by his 4 sisters. This explains two things - that he moved to Minneapolis years ago and never looked back and that he didn't marry till he was 44 years old. He dated many lovely women, but none really stuck till Lacey. He has always been a good friend for men and women alike, and treats women with respect and admiration. (this directly corrolates to the "bullied" line - you respect women because THEY HIT!)
Kevin has a group of friends that are as welcome in our family as he is in theirs. Being an only son, he created a brotherhood with many of his high school buddies and they remain a tight group today, despite their differences in occupation, education and location.
Kevin is the only performing artist of us. Although we are all quick witted and easily amused, he went to improvisation classes and regularly performs in troupes and plays - has appeared in corporate instructional videos and hosted a local cable show.
Kevin makes it a priority to stay out of the tension and friction that can develop between us sisters, mainly because he loves us all individually. There is no "I like Mary better" or "I love Liz more" because he respects and loves us each for the things we each have to offer. He loves my husband (the feeling is mutual) and they tell stories about things they did together that the rest of us are relieved we did not participate in. Ask him why he doesn't have a Purple Rain cassette.
Kevin has a deep love of his family and this is manifested in his desire to visit with each of us when he comes to Milwaukee. He makes time to see us all individually and makes you believe that he came to town just to see you.
When he and Lacey decided to marry we all wondered why...why did he finally decide to settle with someone and why would a young, exciting woman want to marry him. But when you see them together, the questions cease. They appear to be good friends and genuinely love and enjoy each other. They really have the old PDA thing down as they are always holding hands, touching arms or exchanging looks. And they laugh together...something you need to survive as a couple.
Kevin learned much from his sisters and has taught us things too. He has patience, kindness and love - he has determination, wit and a great sense of humor. He is dependable and responsible. Kevin's independence is that much more liberating for him because he knows where he is, where he is going and where he belongs.
I love my baby brother.
Kevin was loved, protected and bullied by his 4 sisters. This explains two things - that he moved to Minneapolis years ago and never looked back and that he didn't marry till he was 44 years old. He dated many lovely women, but none really stuck till Lacey. He has always been a good friend for men and women alike, and treats women with respect and admiration. (this directly corrolates to the "bullied" line - you respect women because THEY HIT!)
Kevin has a group of friends that are as welcome in our family as he is in theirs. Being an only son, he created a brotherhood with many of his high school buddies and they remain a tight group today, despite their differences in occupation, education and location.
Kevin is the only performing artist of us. Although we are all quick witted and easily amused, he went to improvisation classes and regularly performs in troupes and plays - has appeared in corporate instructional videos and hosted a local cable show.
Kevin makes it a priority to stay out of the tension and friction that can develop between us sisters, mainly because he loves us all individually. There is no "I like Mary better" or "I love Liz more" because he respects and loves us each for the things we each have to offer. He loves my husband (the feeling is mutual) and they tell stories about things they did together that the rest of us are relieved we did not participate in. Ask him why he doesn't have a Purple Rain cassette.
Kevin has a deep love of his family and this is manifested in his desire to visit with each of us when he comes to Milwaukee. He makes time to see us all individually and makes you believe that he came to town just to see you.
When he and Lacey decided to marry we all wondered why...why did he finally decide to settle with someone and why would a young, exciting woman want to marry him. But when you see them together, the questions cease. They appear to be good friends and genuinely love and enjoy each other. They really have the old PDA thing down as they are always holding hands, touching arms or exchanging looks. And they laugh together...something you need to survive as a couple.
Kevin learned much from his sisters and has taught us things too. He has patience, kindness and love - he has determination, wit and a great sense of humor. He is dependable and responsible. Kevin's independence is that much more liberating for him because he knows where he is, where he is going and where he belongs.
I love my baby brother.
Sleep in peace, my Christian friends...
What do nonbelievers do when they lay down to sleep?
Do they relax with milk or wine or just start counting sheep?
Do they recall the little things that made their day a mess
Or do they wish they could be rich and have to work much less?
I wonder if they know that when you rest at night in love,
Knowing that your life is under guard by those above,
The pain from life is just a load that each of us must bear
But we can turn it over to the Lord’s unending care.
I wonder how they sleep when life could end at any time
And they don’t have a promise of eternity in mind.
I wonder if we told them that the peace we have is real,
Would they allow the Savior in, their wounded souls to heal?
Would they respond that we are nuts and turn their eyes away?
Do they know we won’t let them off? Won’t let them get away?
Will we express our faith and love and tell them of God’s will?
Will we convince them He can help their empty hearts be filled?
Do we show them through our actions; our words and thoughts and deeds
That God above, the Lord of Love, supplies their every need?
Do we show them the love we have as Christians can be shared
To all who throw their selves aside – who step to Christ – who dare?
Did we hold back, or take the reins and charge to fight the fight
That keeps them tossing, turning as they try to rest each night?
If they became believers, their minds could rest in peace
Knowing that through God above, anxiety will cease.
Do we help them see that God alone, in life their souls will keep?
What DO nonbelievers do when they lay down to sleep?
Do they relax with milk or wine or just start counting sheep?
Do they recall the little things that made their day a mess
Or do they wish they could be rich and have to work much less?
I wonder if they know that when you rest at night in love,
Knowing that your life is under guard by those above,
The pain from life is just a load that each of us must bear
But we can turn it over to the Lord’s unending care.
I wonder how they sleep when life could end at any time
And they don’t have a promise of eternity in mind.
I wonder if we told them that the peace we have is real,
Would they allow the Savior in, their wounded souls to heal?
Would they respond that we are nuts and turn their eyes away?
Do they know we won’t let them off? Won’t let them get away?
Will we express our faith and love and tell them of God’s will?
Will we convince them He can help their empty hearts be filled?
Do we show them through our actions; our words and thoughts and deeds
That God above, the Lord of Love, supplies their every need?
Do we show them the love we have as Christians can be shared
To all who throw their selves aside – who step to Christ – who dare?
Did we hold back, or take the reins and charge to fight the fight
That keeps them tossing, turning as they try to rest each night?
If they became believers, their minds could rest in peace
Knowing that through God above, anxiety will cease.
Do we help them see that God alone, in life their souls will keep?
What DO nonbelievers do when they lay down to sleep?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
2 of 4
Liz was born 7 1/2 years after me. She was definitely an interesting addition to our family. Mary and I had been so about us for so long that she was like a new doll that we were required to share. We used to tease her about having to trade in a very popular pet monkey (which we never had) to make room for her. She put up with us abusing her toys - specifically a bird that hung briefly from a spring on our bedroom ceiling. I guess you can only throw so many pillows at a hanging animal before one catches. Boy was she mad at us.
Mary and Liz shared a double bed and that created a bond for them that Liz and I never had. Liz was sort of Mary's baby sister - I got my own later, but that blog is yet to come.
Liz was always the one who depended on her own friends. In truth, she was required to make her own friends since Mary and I were similar ages, and when she started needing friends Elaine was just too young.
When I was in 8th grade, Liz started kindergarten and we would walk to and from school together. It was fun to finally be the big sister.
Mom raised the younger kids much differently from Mary and me. There was a tolerance for fault and lack of rules that allowed Liz to develop her own style at a young age. Mary and I had a level of discipline never transferred to any of our younger siblings.
Liz paved a rather crazy road wearing risque clothing while hanging with friends who were none too smart, boyfriends who can only be described as missing a chromosome and doing jobs that required minimal commitment. But suddenly she got it - she got it all. She decided that being a waitress was not enough and became a hostess at Red Lobster. Then to a factory job where her ability to adapt made her a valuable (though unappreciated) worker.She decided her choice in men wasn't guaranteeing a future and picked Andrew - a normal guy with drive, ambition and intelligence. She changed her way of acting and settled into a married life with a nice home (actually bought the house she grew up in) a responsible position and a wonderful husband. She recently went to school to graduate as a nail technician. She works full time at a spa, pampering the rich and beautifying the plain. Her incredible work ethic and unique personality make her a natural to work with the public. People depend on her, need her and appreciate her. She shines now that she is in job that requires her artistic skills and rewards her for her work.
Liz is very artistic. She paints, works with yarns and threads, decorates cakes. She is a good housekeeper, not because she is so neat, but because she values her home. Her home is an example of her artistic ability, her spiritual nature and her need to be in control of her life. After years of searching and wondering what she was destined to be, she is finally achieving it.
There is a simplicity about her that may come from satisfaction, or from not really caring, but whatever it is, she has made it work.
Mary and Liz shared a double bed and that created a bond for them that Liz and I never had. Liz was sort of Mary's baby sister - I got my own later, but that blog is yet to come.
Liz was always the one who depended on her own friends. In truth, she was required to make her own friends since Mary and I were similar ages, and when she started needing friends Elaine was just too young.
When I was in 8th grade, Liz started kindergarten and we would walk to and from school together. It was fun to finally be the big sister.
Mom raised the younger kids much differently from Mary and me. There was a tolerance for fault and lack of rules that allowed Liz to develop her own style at a young age. Mary and I had a level of discipline never transferred to any of our younger siblings.
Liz paved a rather crazy road wearing risque clothing while hanging with friends who were none too smart, boyfriends who can only be described as missing a chromosome and doing jobs that required minimal commitment. But suddenly she got it - she got it all. She decided that being a waitress was not enough and became a hostess at Red Lobster. Then to a factory job where her ability to adapt made her a valuable (though unappreciated) worker.She decided her choice in men wasn't guaranteeing a future and picked Andrew - a normal guy with drive, ambition and intelligence. She changed her way of acting and settled into a married life with a nice home (actually bought the house she grew up in) a responsible position and a wonderful husband. She recently went to school to graduate as a nail technician. She works full time at a spa, pampering the rich and beautifying the plain. Her incredible work ethic and unique personality make her a natural to work with the public. People depend on her, need her and appreciate her. She shines now that she is in job that requires her artistic skills and rewards her for her work.
Liz is very artistic. She paints, works with yarns and threads, decorates cakes. She is a good housekeeper, not because she is so neat, but because she values her home. Her home is an example of her artistic ability, her spiritual nature and her need to be in control of her life. After years of searching and wondering what she was destined to be, she is finally achieving it.
There is a simplicity about her that may come from satisfaction, or from not really caring, but whatever it is, she has made it work.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Doubts
On July 2nd there was a Gathering at a lovely church in Milwaukee where a group of us got together to praise. There was prayer and song and dance. Our choir participated and we sang and honored the Lord with everyone. It was very moving.
There is a problem though...I am not sure if I belonged there. I am very insecure in my value to my faith. I have long questioned my motives. Am I good to look good to others or to please God?
If I lift a situation in prayer, is it to truly turn it over to God or to find some scapegoat in case things go horribly wrong...or is it that I figure if God helps, the result will be better for ME?
I am filled with doubt and questions about my motives. If you are good because you don't want to be bad, are you bad for not seeing the source of good? If you praise with your heart and soul and then someone commends you for it, are you ok to be thankful and appreciative of the compliment?
What happens when you do a good job and forget to say it was God who helped you through? Does a good deed lose it's meaning when you tell someone you did it? If you help an old lady at the grocery store and brag about it, does the act become almost sinful as a result of the bragging? If you approach a situation as a chance to be good in the eyes of God, does that make it less spontaneous and more self serving? Do I get to heaven because I did things that I knew would please God or did things that truly pleased God?
Am I a good person? I don't know.
There is a problem though...I am not sure if I belonged there. I am very insecure in my value to my faith. I have long questioned my motives. Am I good to look good to others or to please God?
If I lift a situation in prayer, is it to truly turn it over to God or to find some scapegoat in case things go horribly wrong...or is it that I figure if God helps, the result will be better for ME?
I am filled with doubt and questions about my motives. If you are good because you don't want to be bad, are you bad for not seeing the source of good? If you praise with your heart and soul and then someone commends you for it, are you ok to be thankful and appreciative of the compliment?
What happens when you do a good job and forget to say it was God who helped you through? Does a good deed lose it's meaning when you tell someone you did it? If you help an old lady at the grocery store and brag about it, does the act become almost sinful as a result of the bragging? If you approach a situation as a chance to be good in the eyes of God, does that make it less spontaneous and more self serving? Do I get to heaven because I did things that I knew would please God or did things that truly pleased God?
Am I a good person? I don't know.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
1 of 4
How do I start? How do I define the relationship with the one person who is totally different from me but absolutely the same?
Mary and I were born a little over 13 months apart and neither of us can remember life without the other. Granted we each had our own friends and interests, but because of her I never had the heartache of losing a best friend - because she was always there for me and was my best friend.
People thought we were the same, but we were so different. We were light to each other's dark and sun to each other's moon.
Mary has the beauty I will never have. It may be her self-confidence, her drive, her ambition to be the best she can be. Whatever makes her beautiful is past hair and makeup - beyond weight and fancy clothes. It is something that will be there no matter what is seen by the untrained eye.
She fought for everything she has. She turned a desire for a good education into over 25 years in the armed forces as an Army Nurse. She still practices her trade working when she wants at nursing homes and facilities in her area.
She loves her children with her whole heart and, as all mothers know, even when that heart is broken, her bond of love to her kids is not. She is a doting and creative grandmother who is now able to love with no restraint. As my mother told me, grandmothers spoil grandchildren...get used to it. Mary epitomizes that.
Mary is generous and good natured. I love when she walks into a room because her very essense lights it up, and I just sort of bask in that glow. I followed in her shadow for many years, and when I tried to remove myself, I had a sense of loss like none I had ever known. I learned that the shadow was part of me. Being her second made me a stronger first in my own life.
We always joked that when we imagine ourselves rich, famous musicians (neither of us with incredible talent, by the way) she would see herself as the lead singer and I would see myself as back-up. Mary was always my star. Where I am support staff at work, she is administration.
Mary and I were raised to be the best - the brightest - the strongest we could be. We were encouraged to love each other and be different which is why we are so good when together...so connected when apart.
She sometimes wonders why I introduce her as my older sister. It's because I want people to know she is a little older, a little smarter and a little better than me. It isn't years that older defines. I will always look up to her and respect her. People need to know that.
I love her and am proud of her. I am honored to be her sister. Thanks Mom and Dad.
Mary and I were born a little over 13 months apart and neither of us can remember life without the other. Granted we each had our own friends and interests, but because of her I never had the heartache of losing a best friend - because she was always there for me and was my best friend.
People thought we were the same, but we were so different. We were light to each other's dark and sun to each other's moon.
Mary has the beauty I will never have. It may be her self-confidence, her drive, her ambition to be the best she can be. Whatever makes her beautiful is past hair and makeup - beyond weight and fancy clothes. It is something that will be there no matter what is seen by the untrained eye.
She fought for everything she has. She turned a desire for a good education into over 25 years in the armed forces as an Army Nurse. She still practices her trade working when she wants at nursing homes and facilities in her area.
She loves her children with her whole heart and, as all mothers know, even when that heart is broken, her bond of love to her kids is not. She is a doting and creative grandmother who is now able to love with no restraint. As my mother told me, grandmothers spoil grandchildren...get used to it. Mary epitomizes that.
Mary is generous and good natured. I love when she walks into a room because her very essense lights it up, and I just sort of bask in that glow. I followed in her shadow for many years, and when I tried to remove myself, I had a sense of loss like none I had ever known. I learned that the shadow was part of me. Being her second made me a stronger first in my own life.
We always joked that when we imagine ourselves rich, famous musicians (neither of us with incredible talent, by the way) she would see herself as the lead singer and I would see myself as back-up. Mary was always my star. Where I am support staff at work, she is administration.
Mary and I were raised to be the best - the brightest - the strongest we could be. We were encouraged to love each other and be different which is why we are so good when together...so connected when apart.
She sometimes wonders why I introduce her as my older sister. It's because I want people to know she is a little older, a little smarter and a little better than me. It isn't years that older defines. I will always look up to her and respect her. People need to know that.
I love her and am proud of her. I am honored to be her sister. Thanks Mom and Dad.
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