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Liz was born 7 1/2 years after me. She was definitely an interesting addition to our family. Mary and I had been so about us for so long that she was like a new doll that we were required to share. We used to tease her about having to trade in a very popular pet monkey (which we never had) to make room for her. She put up with us abusing her toys - specifically a bird that hung briefly from a spring on our bedroom ceiling.  I guess you can only throw so many pillows at a hanging animal before one catches. Boy was she mad at us.
Mary and Liz shared a double bed and that created a bond for them that Liz and I never had. Liz was sort of Mary's baby sister - I got my own later, but that blog is yet to come.
Liz was always the one who depended on her own friends. In truth, she was required to make her own friends since Mary and I were similar ages, and when she started needing friends Elaine was just too young.
When I was in 8th grade, Liz started kindergarten and we would walk to and from school together. It was fun to finally be the big sister.
Mom raised the younger kids much differently from Mary and me. There was a tolerance for fault and lack of rules that allowed Liz to develop her own style at a young age. Mary and I had a  level of discipline never transferred to any of our younger siblings.
Liz paved a rather crazy road wearing risque clothing while hanging with friends who were none too smart, boyfriends who can only be described as missing a chromosome and doing jobs that required minimal commitment. But suddenly she got it - she got it all. She decided that being a waitress was not enough and became a hostess at Red Lobster. Then to a factory job where her ability to adapt made her a valuable (though unappreciated) worker.She decided her choice in men wasn't guaranteeing a future and picked Andrew - a normal guy with drive, ambition and intelligence. She changed her way of acting and settled into a married life with a nice home (actually bought the house she grew up in) a responsible position and a wonderful husband. She recently went to school to graduate as a nail technician. She works full time at a spa, pampering the rich and beautifying the plain. Her incredible work ethic and unique personality make her a natural to work with the public. People depend on her, need her and appreciate her. She shines now that she is in job that requires her artistic skills and rewards her for her work.
Liz is very artistic. She paints, works with yarns and threads, decorates cakes. She is a good housekeeper, not because she is so neat, but because she values her home. Her home is an example of her artistic ability, her spiritual nature and her need to be in control of her life. After years of searching and wondering what she was destined to be, she is finally achieving it.
There is a simplicity about her that may come from satisfaction, or from not really caring, but whatever it is, she has made it work.

Doubts

On July 2nd there was a Gathering at a lovely church in Milwaukee where a group of us got together to praise. There was prayer and song and dance. Our choir participated and we sang and honored the Lord with everyone. It was very moving.
There is a problem though...I am not sure if I belonged there. I am very insecure in my value to my faith. I have long questioned my motives. Am I good to look good to others or to please God?
If I lift a situation in prayer, is it to truly turn it over to God or to find some scapegoat in case things go horribly wrong...or is it that I figure if God helps, the result will be better for ME?
I am filled with doubt and questions about my motives. If you are good because you don't want to be bad, are you bad for not seeing the source of good? If you praise with your heart and soul and then someone commends you for it, are you ok to be thankful and appreciative of the compliment?
What happens when you do a good job and forget to say it was God who helped you through? Does a good deed lose it's meaning when you tell someone you did it? If you help an old lady at the grocery store and brag about it, does the act become almost sinful as a result of the bragging? If you approach a situation as a chance to be good in the eyes of God, does that make it less spontaneous and more self serving? Do I get to heaven because I did things that I knew would please God or did things that truly pleased God?
Am I a good person? I don't know.

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How do I start? How do I define the relationship with the one person who is totally different from me but absolutely the same?
Mary and I were born a little over 13 months apart and neither of us can remember life without the other. Granted we each had our own friends and interests, but because of her I never had the heartache of losing a best friend - because she was always there for me and was my best friend.
People thought we were the same, but we were so different. We were light to each other's dark and sun to each other's moon.
Mary has the beauty I will never have. It may be her self-confidence, her drive, her ambition to be the best she can be. Whatever makes her beautiful is past hair and makeup - beyond weight and fancy clothes. It is something that will be there no matter what is seen by the untrained eye.
She fought for everything she has. She turned a desire for a good education into over 25 years in the armed forces as an Army Nurse. She still practices her trade working when she wants at nursing homes and facilities in her area.
She loves her children with her whole heart and, as all mothers know, even when that heart is broken, her bond of love to her kids is not. She is a doting and creative grandmother who is now able to love with no restraint. As my mother told me, grandmothers spoil grandchildren...get used to it. Mary epitomizes that.
Mary is generous and good natured. I love when she walks into a room because her very essense lights it up, and I just sort of bask in that glow. I followed in her shadow for many years, and when I tried to remove myself, I had a sense of loss like none I had ever known. I learned that the shadow was part of me. Being her second made me a stronger first in my own life.
We always joked that when we imagine ourselves rich, famous musicians (neither of us with incredible talent, by the way) she would see herself as the lead singer and I would see myself as back-up. Mary was always my star. Where I am support staff at work, she is administration.
Mary and I were raised to be the best - the brightest - the strongest we could be. We were encouraged to love each other and be different which is why we are so good when together...so connected when apart.
She sometimes wonders why I introduce her as my older sister. It's because I want people to know she is a little older, a little smarter and a little better than me. It isn't years that older defines. I will always look up to her and respect her. People need to know that.
I love her and am proud of her. I am honored to be her sister. Thanks Mom and Dad.