Why do I read things and then my mind goes on and on wondering why it isn't done. For example - I just read a devotional about death where it referred to living a worthwhile life to face God. But I am not concerned about meeting God - I know that my life is still being constructed and when I meet God we will have an honest conversation.
What I worry about is what happens to my spot here on earth. I want to leave a void in the lives of my friends that only Jesus can fill. Especially for my nonbelieving friends. I want the conversations about me to be how I made wonderful things happen by my faith and dedication to Jesus.
I dream that my death will be uneventful. I think that the more people love you, the easier to let you go if they see your confidence that death is not the end.
I don't know why death is on my mind. I just know that "life" is in my heart and isn't that the point?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
the funeral
Saturday I drove to Ripon for a funeral. That in itself means nothing. Many people travel further than that to honor a grieving family. What made it unique is that it was the first Catholic funeral I have been to in a long, long time.
I know many will say that Catholics are all about the ceremony - the processions and candles - the vestments and symbols. But, this was a beautiful experience. Maybe it was what many would call "over the top."
I prefer to think that the grief stricken family was reassured at the familiarity of the prayers and songs. I was moved by the words the priest said. I was inspired by the sermon. The priest had reviewed the private notes of the eternal guest and commented on her life of pain and suffering and her courageous choice to give her future to God.
There was a beauty and gentleness, even while we all cried. I didn't know Nicole, but I knew her sister. I knew that to the end, Nicole was loved and the whole service was a reminder to us all that there is no end if we truly believe.
What will happen to all those people is not sure - what happened on a sunny Saturday, is sure. That a select group who came to mourn was renewed and released back to the real world totally in God's presence is what matters.
I hope I can live my life in enough faith to leave this kind of aura over my friends and family. I hope I can love my sisters and brother enough to make sure that when they die, everyone knows more about when they lived.
My new goal is to do 4 more blogs - one each for my siblings so they know from now to the end how much they are loved by me.
I know many will say that Catholics are all about the ceremony - the processions and candles - the vestments and symbols. But, this was a beautiful experience. Maybe it was what many would call "over the top."
I prefer to think that the grief stricken family was reassured at the familiarity of the prayers and songs. I was moved by the words the priest said. I was inspired by the sermon. The priest had reviewed the private notes of the eternal guest and commented on her life of pain and suffering and her courageous choice to give her future to God.
There was a beauty and gentleness, even while we all cried. I didn't know Nicole, but I knew her sister. I knew that to the end, Nicole was loved and the whole service was a reminder to us all that there is no end if we truly believe.
What will happen to all those people is not sure - what happened on a sunny Saturday, is sure. That a select group who came to mourn was renewed and released back to the real world totally in God's presence is what matters.
I hope I can live my life in enough faith to leave this kind of aura over my friends and family. I hope I can love my sisters and brother enough to make sure that when they die, everyone knows more about when they lived.
My new goal is to do 4 more blogs - one each for my siblings so they know from now to the end how much they are loved by me.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Why superheroes hide their powers from their friends.
I have a secret power. Not faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive...can hardly leap a sleeping dog in a single bound, but I discovered an ability more powerful than any of those.
Let me clarify. Yesterday after an incredibly long day, I had a relaxing pedicure and then stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get potato chips and milk. Hamburgers were planned for dinner and I was elected to swing into Pick N Save for the chips. Milk was an added request that I received via text on my way out of the salon. I was not enthused because it was raining and chilly and I had to leave the car to run to the store and then out again and when I got home no one had so much as opened the burger buns. So guess who had to pull the burgers out, season them, toast the buns as they were not completely defrosted...put out the condiments, set the table...you got it! Me! And I had been at work by six that morning and it was already 7pm...boy was I pissed!!!
So I didn't talk to anyone and just threw things around the kitchen and got it all done and when I had to say grace at dinner, it was short and not very sweet. Bless this food - amen...because bless this family and friends and dinner was too much for me to ask cuz I was MAD!!
Then I heard my son snap at his girlfriend and she snapped right back - and my husband whined at my son who retorted rudely and then we had the quietest dinner because no one was talking to anyone. And I realized that by walking into this quiet group and going on the attack immediately, I had discovered a super power. My power deflated all good will, discouraged all pleasantries and destroyed the evening for everyone. What had I done?
What if I had approached my family with warmth instead of anger? We'll never know what it would have done to yesterday...I can't change that. But by hiding my power I can change today. And tomorrow will be better.
Let me clarify. Yesterday after an incredibly long day, I had a relaxing pedicure and then stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get potato chips and milk. Hamburgers were planned for dinner and I was elected to swing into Pick N Save for the chips. Milk was an added request that I received via text on my way out of the salon. I was not enthused because it was raining and chilly and I had to leave the car to run to the store and then out again and when I got home no one had so much as opened the burger buns. So guess who had to pull the burgers out, season them, toast the buns as they were not completely defrosted...put out the condiments, set the table...you got it! Me! And I had been at work by six that morning and it was already 7pm...boy was I pissed!!!
So I didn't talk to anyone and just threw things around the kitchen and got it all done and when I had to say grace at dinner, it was short and not very sweet. Bless this food - amen...because bless this family and friends and dinner was too much for me to ask cuz I was MAD!!
Then I heard my son snap at his girlfriend and she snapped right back - and my husband whined at my son who retorted rudely and then we had the quietest dinner because no one was talking to anyone. And I realized that by walking into this quiet group and going on the attack immediately, I had discovered a super power. My power deflated all good will, discouraged all pleasantries and destroyed the evening for everyone. What had I done?
What if I had approached my family with warmth instead of anger? We'll never know what it would have done to yesterday...I can't change that. But by hiding my power I can change today. And tomorrow will be better.
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