In the morning, I encounter all kinds of wild animals on my
way to work.
I don’t go through major rural areas, but I do have woods
that border some of the nicer properties in Brookfield, WI and a large pond in
Menomonee Falls. Add to that the nature preserve just south of Mill Road and
you have a breeding ground for all sorts of wild critters.
I have a few words for my wild friends.
Deer – look both ways, please. If you see a car coming, DON’T
CROSS. I know that “suicide by car” is the dream of every deer who is suffering
from low self-esteem or depression, but not my car, please.
Geese – (and ducks) YOU CAN FLY!!! Why you have to walk
across the road is inconceivable to me. To make it worse, you walk single file and
sometimes not even straight across. There is nothing more tempting than seeing
if you can squish a whole line of geese with one swerve of wheels.
Wood Cranes – you are big and mean and I am really tired of
watching you watch me while I go past. I don’t trust you and am sure you can run
up and attack my car if you want to. And you did just that once and are lucky I
didn’t panic and have an accident. Stay in the marshes and long grass and leave
the pavement alone.
Coyotes – please, go away. You look sort of cute like dogs
from a distance, and I would never hit a dog, but then you look mangy and
disjointed once I get closer and I wouldn’t feel guilty tapping you to make my
point. If you are hungry and looking for food, there are plenty of geese, ducks and wood cranes
walking the roads to give you a feast for a while.
Joggers – oh yes, you are on the list too with walkers. When there is a lane for running, biking and
walking, please don’t go in the traffic lanes. If you want to be in the car
lane, get a car, drive to the gym and run on a treadmill. If there is no lane for
your activity, please walk towards traffic so you know when drivers are coming.
And I figured out that the group of 4-6 women that I pass regularly, purposely
put the one woman that is doing all the talking closest to the cars because it
is obvious that 1) they don’t like her and 2)if someone has to go, let it be Chatty
Kathy! On the bright side Chatty Kathy, the people at your funeral will be in
very good shape.
Bicyclers – you are the best and the worst. If you stay to the
side, are adequately illuminated and obey the traffic laws, I challenge you to
run over the animals of my previous rant. If you are one of those who has no
protective equipment, no reflective gear and think you are a car to be anywhere
in the lane you want, you are a scourge on society and I hope you hit gravel, fall over and skin your knees.
Don’t get me started on other drivers because we all have
our quirks. The difference is that the other cars can complain about me too so I
won’t even open that can of worms.
It’s so nice to get this out of my system. I feel better.
